By David Diabilo Contra Costa Times
May 21, 2005
San Ramon, California -- A homeless man claiming to be a time traveler was arrested on the grounds of a local ranch on Thursday. Police were called when a group of hikers spotted the man nailing notes to trees. One of the hikers, Betty Washington, said that the man seemed to be acting suspiciously. "Ordinarily, I say live and let live, but the way he was running from tree to tree, like he was being chased -- stopping and chanting or screaming gibberish at the air around him -- I don't know, I thought maybe he needed help."
Upon questioning, the man told police that he was a time traveler and that the fate of the ranch, the trees, the hikers and even the policemen depended upon his being left alone to do his "work." The owners of the ranch could not be contacted to obtain permission, so the man was taken into custody by Officer Tom Jeffries and Officer Jeff Thompson, both of whom are certain that the handcuffs they used were in perfect working order. According to Officer Thompson, the man was, "... visibly upset. All of a sudden he starts shouting, 'Veronica! Veronica! I know you can hear me somewhen and somehow! Reinblatt approaches! Reinblatt must be stopped!' His words were so weird, I can't forget them. Who the heck is Reinblatt? And the way he was shouting, the pain in his voice -- I know it sounds weird, but I almost believed him. Then he vomited all over himself and I thought, okay: junkie alert!"
Somewhere between the old dairy ranch and the Santa Rita jail, the gentleman in question appears to have given officers Jeffries and Thompson the slip. Said San Ramon Police Chief, Scott Holder, "We have statements from multiple eyewitnesses who saw the officers place the man securely in the back of their vehicle. There is no way out of the back of a police car unless the officers want you out of the back of their police car. I support my officers in their sworn statements that they did not stop anywhere along the way, and that they did not allow the gentleman any form of egress. As soon as we know precisely what happened, we will let you know." Chief Holder was not taking any further questions at that time, and subsequent inquiries have been directed to PR personnel who give a similar statement.
The homeless "time traveler" must have been hard at work in the forests around the old dairy ranch, as Betty Washington and her group of hikers shortly discovered. "We thought maybe he'd left more notes," said Washington. "And boy were we right: all of them crazy, all of them addressed to this 'Veronica' person. All of them signed, 'Edward.' Whoever she is, he loves her. But that guy is insane." Washington and her fellow hikers removed and recycled every note they found:, with a grand total of two hundred seven notes. Some nailed, some taped, some glued, some shellacked: all at about eye level for a woman of a little more than Betty Washington's height, 5'4".
Asked if she drew any conclusions from the homeless gentleman's apparent escape from the back of a locked police car, Washington had this to say: "Well, maybe he is a time traveler. But he shouldn't deface indigenous species of trees and he should take a bath. I'm sure soap and hot water have been around for a while, now."
Aside from the part with you in the back of the police car, this is not hard to imagine. Funny and tragic. 2+0+7 = A whole lot of effort getting recycled. But better recycled by misc hikers than falling into this Reinblatt's hands...right? Who the heck is Reinblatt?!
ReplyDeleteMe likey. Keep going.