Part III
[The following are combined excerpts of audio and handwritten journal entries made in the days following the quake. Handwritten entries italicised.]
June 23
10:09 pm
I need to STAY AWAKE!
I need to STAY AWAKE!
If
they find us, I've told Veronica to take him and run, there's no way I
could make it in my condition. I don't want a Grizzly Man ending for
her. I made her promise. I'm still not sure she'll go.
[Car driving, Norah Jones singing Lonestar on the stereo, Edward breathing and keening like an injured chimpanzee]
Veronica:
Hi there, listening audience. Whoever you ... are. This is Veronica.
And I'm driving. And I'm talking to you, at the same time. So ... if I'm
a little distracted, well ... the man I love is, ha ha, horribly
injured. Edward has asked that I explain it all to you.
The volcano that was Mt. Diablo has erupted, this you probably know by
now. As part of its eruption, it sent a flaming rock the size of a
bowling ball through the passenger window of our car, cutting Edward
badly in several places and
skinning the top of his forearm. It dislocated his left knee and burned
him severely. Edward is in aaannn incredible amount of pain, but I, ever-resourceful nurse-to-be, did think to pack several strong painkillers.
Edward: Morphine. Dear. God.
[Edward giggles and cries at the same time.]
Veronica: Ha-ha, that's right, honey. You just lie back and take another hit off that pipe.
As Edward enjoys some medicinal herbalism, I'll explain how we got the giant burning rock out of the car. It's really very simple: at one time, Edward had a shovel. Apparently, he loved this shovel, because he packed it in an easily-accessible spot, right behind the passenger seat.
As Edward enjoys some medicinal herbalism, I'll explain how we got the giant burning rock out of the car. It's really very simple: at one time, Edward had a shovel. Apparently, he loved this shovel, because he packed it in an easily-accessible spot, right behind the passenger seat.
Edward: I. Didn't. Packit.
Veronica: Yes, honey. I know you didn't pack the Brave Mr. Shovel. Oh, so sad: the shovel melted to the rock and the two of them are somewhere behind us in the smoky smoky dark, making more smoke, together. It's love.
Edward: Ididn't.
Veronica: Something tells me your body is liking the Morphine/Pot combo right about now, because if you were sober and pain-free, you would probably remember packing the shovel. Keeeeep a-smokin', boy, that stuff and the syringe I jabbed in your asscheek are the only things between you and the Godzilla-sized hell of dislocated knee and third-degree burns.
Edward: Where. Didyou. Getit?
Veronica
(sing-song): That doesn't matter, honey. What matters is that I'm
driving through San Ramon, looking for a hospital. All the streetlights
are out, we have no access to the internet, and sometimes I swear --
look! There! Another one!
[Rustle, car seat upright, Edward yelps.]
Veronica: No, no, you stay cozy. Lie back.
[Edward puts seat down, grunts as he slowly leans back]
Veronica: That's right. Good. Does it still hurt?
Edward: Unbearable. But--slowly better.
Veronica: Better living through chemistry ... and friends with pharmaceutical jobs.
Edward: What's. Out.there.
Veronica:
It looks like people, just outside the reach of our headlights. If I
slow, I swear it looks like they start to close in on the car. But I
can't take my eyes off the road to really look and see. Fucking cree-py.
Edward: Weapons.
Veronica: What, honey?
Edward: Weapons. Weapons. Do they have them.
Veronica: Well, as they stay beyond the light, how can I know? Jesus, you are not more fun on Morphine and weed.
Edward: Wherearewe.
Veronica: Well, let's see ... turning now ... oh. Weird. We are at Bishop Ranch 3. This is where I work.
Edward: Medical supplies.
Veronica: Maybe. Yes. Large First Aid kits.
Edward: Canyougetin.
Veronica: If you think I'm leaving you in the car like this, with a Max and Chauncey to guard you, think again wherito.
Edward: Take. Max. Leave. Knife.
Veronica: Resourceful morphine-addled pothead with a knife though you may be, my love, I'm not leaving you alone in the car.
Edward: Crashthedoors.
Veronica: Man, I'd like to see you play some chess right now. I bet I'd win.
Edward: Never. [Gasp] OhGodohGodohGod ...
[Veronica is silent for a few moments; we hear Edward grunting and keening, then:]
Veronica: Okay. Maybe my keycard can get me in.
Edward: Getclose. Realclose. Driveonto [gasp] holy fuck, doyouunderstandme.
Veronica: Yes. And you're being an asshole.
Edward: Childbirth. Thisisworse.
Veronica: Do not go there, I am about to drive onto the curb; I can do it smooth with that little driveway lip there or I can catch the right front tire on the way in.
Edward: Sorry.
[Edward is panting heavily, sounds as though he is in labor.]
Veronica: Okay, here we go --
[Audible thud. Edward bellows like a stuck bull.]
Veronica: I kind of like these noises you're making. I might have to sedate you further and ... have my way ...
What the hell ... ?
[Car slows, idles, automatic shift to park; seatbelt disengages, driver's door opens; thud and rattle as iPhone is set on dash; car is ding-ding-ding-dinging as we hear Veronica's footsteps recede.]
Edward: Mnah-mnah, I need some Morphine. Heh. Mnah-mnah, I need some more. Heh-heh ...
[Footsteps as Veronica returns, gets into car, closes door, buckles seatbelt, puts car in reverse.]
Edward: Nothing?
Veronica: Something. This.
[Sound of paper exchanging hands, then car braking, shifting to drive, accelerating to 15 mph]
Edward (reading, breathing deeply through nose between every couple words): "Veronica, this is a bad idea. They are inside. They can see you. Abandon this plan. Go East. See reverse for proof."
Proof?
Veronica: Go ahead. Flip it over.
[Sound of paper being turned as car slows.]
Edward: "Mnah-mnah, I need some Morphine. Heh. Mnah-mnah, I need some more. Heh-heh ..."
Hey ...
[Car idles, nobody speaks.]
Veronica: That's your handwriting.
Edward: Yep.
Veronica: Are you fucking with me, can you please just tell me if this is some gigantic Edward hoax that you put together with the Brandons and some friends?
Edward: Not. Hoax.
Veronica: We're not going anywhere until you tell me how you got that note there. Did you drive over here after I left work on the day of the quake?
Oh. No, wait. That's impossible because of the ...
[Car idling.]
Edward: Even weirder.On the back.What I just said.
Veronica: I know, I heard you.
Edward: No.You were outofthecar.I said that.
Veronica: You. Are SO full of shit!
[Car shifts into drive, accelerates, turns, accelerates, turns during the following:]
Edward: Wherenow?
Veronica: You want to fuck with me? I can fuck with you right back. I'm going in the back way.
Edward: No.
Veronica: Through the creepy trees.
Edward (whispering): Wait. Stop. Now.
[Car brakes]
Veronica: What.
Edward: Ididn'twriteit.
Veronica: Bullshit!
Edward: Shhh!
Look.
Veronica: What ... what is that?
[Veronica is silent for a few moments; we hear Edward grunting and keening, then:]
Veronica: Okay. Maybe my keycard can get me in.
Edward: Getclose. Realclose. Driveonto [gasp] holy fuck, doyouunderstandme.
Veronica: Yes. And you're being an asshole.
Edward: Childbirth. Thisisworse.
Veronica: Do not go there, I am about to drive onto the curb; I can do it smooth with that little driveway lip there or I can catch the right front tire on the way in.
Edward: Sorry.
[Edward is panting heavily, sounds as though he is in labor.]
Veronica: Okay, here we go --
[Audible thud. Edward bellows like a stuck bull.]
Veronica: I kind of like these noises you're making. I might have to sedate you further and ... have my way ...
What the hell ... ?
[Car slows, idles, automatic shift to park; seatbelt disengages, driver's door opens; thud and rattle as iPhone is set on dash; car is ding-ding-ding-dinging as we hear Veronica's footsteps recede.]
Edward: Mnah-mnah, I need some Morphine. Heh. Mnah-mnah, I need some more. Heh-heh ...
[Footsteps as Veronica returns, gets into car, closes door, buckles seatbelt, puts car in reverse.]
Edward: Nothing?
Veronica: Something. This.
[Sound of paper exchanging hands, then car braking, shifting to drive, accelerating to 15 mph]
Edward (reading, breathing deeply through nose between every couple words): "Veronica, this is a bad idea. They are inside. They can see you. Abandon this plan. Go East. See reverse for proof."
Proof?
Veronica: Go ahead. Flip it over.
[Sound of paper being turned as car slows.]
Edward: "Mnah-mnah, I need some Morphine. Heh. Mnah-mnah, I need some more. Heh-heh ..."
Hey ...
[Car idles, nobody speaks.]
Veronica: That's your handwriting.
Edward: Yep.
Veronica: Are you fucking with me, can you please just tell me if this is some gigantic Edward hoax that you put together with the Brandons and some friends?
Edward: Not. Hoax.
Veronica: We're not going anywhere until you tell me how you got that note there. Did you drive over here after I left work on the day of the quake?
Oh. No, wait. That's impossible because of the ...
[Car idling.]
Edward: Even weirder.On the back.What I just said.
Veronica: I know, I heard you.
Edward: No.You were outofthecar.I said that.
Veronica: You. Are SO full of shit!
[Car shifts into drive, accelerates, turns, accelerates, turns during the following:]
Edward: Wherenow?
Veronica: You want to fuck with me? I can fuck with you right back. I'm going in the back way.
Edward: No.
Veronica: Through the creepy trees.
Edward (whispering): Wait. Stop. Now.
[Car brakes]
Veronica: What.
Edward: Ididn'twriteit.
Veronica: Bullshit!
Edward: Shhh!
Look.
Veronica: What ... what is that?
Is that -- it's green, is that a ... what is that?
Edward: Glowing.
Edward: Glowing.
Audiojournal, I might be hallucination, ghaaahhh. Little green light over there.
Veronica: There. Another one.
Edward: Another. And more. Wow, are those giant green fireflies?
Veronica: It looks like there are hundreds of them. It would be pretty if it weren't so creepy.
Edward: Wrong color. Let's go.
[Edward pukes violently toward the passenger window, we can hear that not much of it leaves the car]
Veronica: You are cleaning that up, Mister, I don't care what's wrong with your leg.
Edward: Go. Drive. Aaaaaaaah, fuck ...
[More puking]
Veronica: Could you puke in a bag or something. Just an idea.
Edward: GO. NOW.
Veronica: I'm the one behind the wheel, I'm the one who has to holyshitthey're PEOPLE!
Figure Outside Passenger Window: Your vomit smells sweet.
Edward: NOW!
[Hundreds of running footsteps audible as car lurches, gasps, lurches again and vrooms forward, then a SLAM/thud on the passenger door as someone tries to jump into the car through the broken passenger window. Car is accelerating.]
Veronica (sim): He's trying to get in! Stab him! Kick him!
Veronica: There. Another one.
Edward: Another. And more. Wow, are those giant green fireflies?
Veronica: It looks like there are hundreds of them. It would be pretty if it weren't so creepy.
Edward: Wrong color. Let's go.
[Edward pukes violently toward the passenger window, we can hear that not much of it leaves the car]
Veronica: You are cleaning that up, Mister, I don't care what's wrong with your leg.
Edward: Go. Drive. Aaaaaaaah, fuck ...
[More puking]
Veronica: Could you puke in a bag or something. Just an idea.
Edward: GO. NOW.
Veronica: I'm the one behind the wheel, I'm the one who has to holyshitthey're PEOPLE!
Figure Outside Passenger Window: Your vomit smells sweet.
Edward: NOW!
[Hundreds of running footsteps audible as car lurches, gasps, lurches again and vrooms forward, then a SLAM/thud on the passenger door as someone tries to jump into the car through the broken passenger window. Car is accelerating.]
Veronica (sim): He's trying to get in! Stab him! Kick him!
Edward (sim.): What the hell?! I know! I can't! Jesus --
[Edward pukes (all over the creeper's arm, very satisfying)
THUD. SLAM. THUD, THUD. SLAM. More minions throw themselves at the car, but Veronica only accelerates further. Sound of passenger door opening, wind, Max whining]
Veronica: Get off my windshield you assholes!
[Click-click-click of windshield sprayer, people coughing, gasping]
Creepy Lady Voice: Vinegar and Christmas! It burns my eyes!
[More puking from Edward, mostly dry heaves. Brakes squeal, people slide off the car and are thrown several feet, landing with a cry of pain; Honda in reverse, then forward again, accelerating; thump-thump and scream]
Veronica: That's right, bitches!
[Driving, breathing]
Edward: Christ.
[Edward pukes (all over the creeper's arm, very satisfying)
THUD. SLAM. THUD, THUD. SLAM. More minions throw themselves at the car, but Veronica only accelerates further. Sound of passenger door opening, wind, Max whining]
Veronica: Get off my windshield you assholes!
[Click-click-click of windshield sprayer, people coughing, gasping]
Creepy Lady Voice: Vinegar and Christmas! It burns my eyes!
[More puking from Edward, mostly dry heaves. Brakes squeal, people slide off the car and are thrown several feet, landing with a cry of pain; Honda in reverse, then forward again, accelerating; thump-thump and scream]
Veronica: That's right, bitches!
[Driving, breathing]
Edward: Christ.
Veronica: What the hell was that?
[Silence from Edward.]
Veronica: Honey?
Honey. You okay?
Hey. Mister.
Hey!
Hey!
[Veronica smacks Edward. Really, really hard. It leaves a very large bruise. He finds it much later.
Driving. Rustle as Veronica picks up the iPhone.]
Driving. Rustle as Veronica picks up the iPhone.]
Veronica: Thing's still on ...
Ahem.
Hello, listening friends. We just ran over some creepers with green glowsticks, and Edward has passed the fuck out.
Ahem.
Hello, listening friends. We just ran over some creepers with green glowsticks, and Edward has passed the fuck out.
Powering down to save batteries.
[Soft iPhone click.]
your vomit smells sweet. delightful.
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