Notes from the Future: Laminated III

This laminated  note is duct-taped to the trunk of a mighty old Oak about 27 feet West of the ridge.

VERONICA: CLIMB THIS TREE. NOW.

Another note is duct taped to the trunk and branches about ten feet above the ground:

KEEP CLIMBING. NOW.

Similarly, at 20 feet:

STILL TOO LOW. YOU WILL BURN ALIVE. KEEP CLIMBING.

At 35 feet:

You are better at this than you knew. But keep going. Get to the very top.

At 54 feet:

Dear Veronica,

In the daypack below this note are several useful items. Take out the red handkerchief, get it completely wet with the Camelbak and tie it over your mouth. Do that now, then keep reading. Done? Good. Hold the wet cloth over your mouth to inhale through your mouth in the smoke; exhale through your nose. Start doing this now, you'd better get used to it. Periodically re-wet the cloth, it needs to stay wet the entire time you're here.

My A's cap and my goggles are in the backpack as well. Put the goggles on, tuck your hair up and put the A's cap on. Just in case you need your hair contained. Should you need to run through fire for any reason, get your hair and the A's cap completely wet. Don't do that until you have to, it's a waste of water until necessary. Besides, if you're here, I think you'll be in this treetop until the fire passes. Yes, those are the goggles I lost during The Producers. Guess who took them? I did. Oh, the insanity!

If you look North, you will see, through gaps in the smoke, the Compound. You are closer than you think. And, no matter how much you think you are going to burn alive in this tree, I promise you: this tree is so tall and green that the fire will not reach you where you are. It will get horribly hot, the lower branches and leaves will burn and turn brown or blacken and crumble. But these branches up here are safe. I tried to find you an organic vapor mask  Fuck that, one of the advantages of my current status is that I occasionally revisit certain places I've already been. Take off the handkerchief and find the green plastic mask thing in the day pack. Put it on, make sure it's tight, readjust your hair, the goggles and the hat as needed. The mask will completely filter all smoke particles. You're welcome. You love me. I'm rad.

Other items you may find useful: a brand-new down sleeping bag (pink, you're welcome), my IndiGlo Timex watch, lotion, toilet paper (you'll be up here for a while -- oh, and if you back one out, be sure not to climb down those branches; shit is gross, but slipping in shit and falling from a tree = epic fail), burn ointment, bug repellent (ticks like Oak, there's already one behind your left ear; a dab of the Bug Juice near it will send it packing -- do not pull it out, flick it away once it drops onto your thigh; also, wash your hands after putting that stuff on; the next item will help with that:) Dr. Bronner's Peppermint Castile Soap, Cytomax, Cliff Bars, Chocolate, Trail Mix, Sunscreen, Trekking Poles, and one or two other items I don't have time to write about. Be thorough, look in all pockets.

Final Instructions: Wait at least 24 hours before you climb down, for two reasons: 1) you want to be sure nothing is still burning; 2) there will be one or two groups down there, following the fire to eat from burned animal carcasses. You do not want to encounter these groups. Thoroughly test every burned branch before putting your weight on it. The biggest one near the bottom is deadly, do not use it under any circumstances. Better to drop from a slightly higher branch on the other side. A backpacking hammock and slapstraps are in the daypack as well; use the straps and the rope I've included to secure yourself to the tree Katniss-style. You will need sleep. Get into the sleeping bag before you strap yourself in.

Go back to the ridge once you're down, and run to the Compound. Yes, it's still quite far.  But you can see it. Which is good. Next time you leave there, it should be in an automobile. Please and thank you. 

Love and preparation, 

Tad