Notes from the Future: Miss Leocadia's Fortunate Juju Hoodoo Show, Part II

Denise: I slept eight hours ...

Miss Leo: And did you have any dreams?

Denise: I dreamed the entire time ... (sobbing) It, it, it, just wouldn't stop -- I dreamed of a place on the mountain near the lava gorge where there were people trapped -- the fire was coming closer and there were these horrible things ... like baby wolves, and they were --

Miss Leo: Okay, okay, okay: honey? Before we go any further, I can tell you're upset, and this is a terrible situation to be in, but I need to ask you a couple other questions, okay?

Denise: Okay ... (sob, ragged breathing)

Miss Leo: When you went to the doctor, did they do -- or did they talk about? -- a psychological evaluation?

Denise: Um ...

Miss Leo: I don't mean to be unkind, dear, it's just something I need to ask. It's very important because you've been, if I understand you correctly, you've been sleep deprived, correct?

Denise: Yes.

Miss Leo: And for how long have you been sleep deprived?

Denise: Months. Since January.

Miss Leo: Oh my. 

Magister Py: That can't be fun for anyone.

Rev. Tal: No indeed.

Miss Leo: And are you saying you haven't had any sleep at all in that entire time?

Denise: No, it started -- small -- at first. The first dream was, it was, lava. Just lava. And rumbling. I woke up and the room was hot and I woke my husband up asking him if he was as hot as I was and he thought I was talking about sex -- oh, no, can I say -- I'm sorry --

Miss Leo: (laughing) Honey, if you listened to this show more, you would know that we talk about more than that at any given time. Oh, my. But, okay, did he, did your husband feel any heat in the room?

Denise: No, but he said I was hot, like with a fever. But it went away in minutes.

Miss Leo: And did you get any more sleep that night?

Denise: Yes. And I didn't have another dream like that for a week.

Miss Leo: And how was the second dream? 

Denise: It was like it had moved up a notch.

Miss Leo: Mmm,kay. Okay. Huh. I see. Alright, well, we could spend all night asking you about this, but I have a very strong feeling about this so I'm going to ask you a couple more questions and we'll get to the reading. Okay, Denise?

Denise: Okay, thank you Miss Leo.

Miss Leo: Oh, that's fine, honey. Thank you. Now, the only prescription the doctor gave you was for sleep? You didn't tell him all about the dreams?

Denise: No, I only said I couldn't sleep. Didn't seem like there was a good reason to tell him about the dreams.

Miss Leo: Well you made the right choice there, honey, I can tell you that.

Magister Py: Mmm-hmm.

Miss Leo: Okay. Alright, now, here's my next question, or my next notion; you tell me if I'm right or wrong here, Denise, but I'm guessing that these dreams slowly, maybe once a week, increased in intensity and frequency --

Denise: Yes. Yes, they did --

Miss Leo: Right, yes, okay, they increased in those ways, and did they also increase in number until you've been dreaming them every night?

Denise: Yes.

Magister Py: Pardon me, miss Leo, but I have to ask this: Denise, did you at any point in these dreams see a burning mountain?

[silence]

Miss Leo: Denise? Hello? Denise, honey, you there?

[silence]

Miss Leo: Uh-oh, looks like we lost Denise.

Denise: I'm here, sorry -- I'm here. 

Miss Leo: And did you hear Magister Py's question --?

Denise: Yes, and -- yes. I saw a burning mountain. I ... how did you know?

Magister Py: Miss Leo, Rev. Tal will confirm that this jives eerily well with the Quincunx Conundrum. We should talk about this. At length. Off the air.

Miss Leo: Or maybe we should talk about it at length on the air, since this is what we do. But for now, back to Denise, Denise, honey, I want to tell you something, are you ready to hear it?

Denise: Okay ...

Miss Leo: Well, like I said, or should have said, but, doesn't matter -- like I always say, I'm not a doctor. But in my professional opinion as a rootworker, you are not crazy. Even the word 'crazy' is not a clinical term, but you know what I mean.

Denise: (breath, sob, another breath)

Miss Leo: Nope, not crazy, honey. 

Denise: Are you sure?

Miss Leo: Well, no, I'm not sure. To be  sure, I would have to be a medical professional and I would have to subject you to a battery of tests that, really, you don't want to go through. So I'm just going to cut to the chase: I was in Berkeley in the 60's and 70's, I know crazy when I see it and when I hear it. You're not crazy.

Denise: What am I?

Miss Leo: Well, on a certain level, that doctor who prescribed you the sleep meds was correct: you're stressed. 

Denise: But -- ?

Miss Leo: Well, hold on a minute and listen to me, honey, there's more in the bottom of this kettle than just fish, as my grandfather used to say. The doctor's right, you're stressed, but you're stressed because of these  dreams. And so, the question to ask yourself is not, how can I sleep and stop dreaming, but, much more importantly, why am I having these dreams at all? 

Rev. Tal: Ah, yes.

Denise: Okay ...

Magister Py: I'm getting the same feeling, Miss Leo, that as soon as Denise knows the why, she may be able to sleep at night. But there's something nibbling at the back of my mind, here: Denise, do you live in San Francisco? Or is there somewhere --

Denise: I live in Hayward --

Rev. Tal: (murmur) Oh, no, of course ... 

Denise: -- My phone number is a 415 area code because I used to work in the city and that's where I got my phone; I'm in the city today, though, so, you know --

Miss Leo: Perfectly alright, honey, so, Py, is there more to that question?

Magister Py: Yes, though I know that the Mighty Reverend Tal has hit upon it, and some of you out there who are following Syzygy with us will have a sense of it. So, Denise: where, exactly, and all I need is the street name, what street in Hayward to you live on?

Denise: Will this -- does this really -- help dreams?

Miss Leo: Just answer the question, honey, what street do you live on?

Denise: I live on Walpert.

Magister Py: Between Mission and Second.

Denise: Yes. How did --

Magister Py: Perhaps I should turn this over to my illustrious colleague, the Right Reverend Doctor Tal --

Rev. Tal: Of course, thank you Py -- so, Denise: do you live in the homes or condominiums close to Second Street?

Denise: No, we live --

Rev. Tal: In the condominiums on the curvy part. Below the graveyard?

Miss Leo: Graveyard. There it is.

Denise: Yes.

Rev. Tal: And when you moved in, did you sign a waiver?

Denise: Yes, but they said it was just a formality.

Rev. Tal: Of course they did. 

Miss Leo: A waiver? What for?

Rev. Tal: Well, Miss Leo, Denise lives in a very special location. She is on a slope, below a graveyard. Now, it's a very old graveyard. But developers and home builders have an unspoken and certainly unwritten rule about selling or renting to people near graveyards. So there's a waiver that people sign, and sometimes it's in the fine print of a seemingly innocuous document, but it basically holds the builders and developers and all their associates, as well as the municipality in which the property is located, blameless. In the event of a haunting, an errant Lady in White or any other untoward phenomena. 

Magister Py: But ...

Rev. Tal: But, indeed. In this case, Denise also lives right next to -- and I mean this literally, because it runs through the undeveloped hillside across the street from her condo -- the Hayward Fault.

Miss Leo: Wait, so what you're telling us, and this is for anyone listening hundreds of years from now, after the entire geography of Northern California is altered in a series of massive cataclysmic quakes or something --

Denise: (sob) Oh, God ...

Miss Leo: Ohhps, sorry, honey, I just say whatever comes into my head sometimes. But, Tal, Py, are you telling us that she lives in between, not just in between but below a graveyard and next to the Hayward Fault?

Rev. Tal: Amen and pass the Earthquake Kits.

Miss Leo: Holy shit. Oops, well, there goes our G Rating.

Denise: They said, they said it was just a formality, it had something to do with an easement and property lines ...

Rev. Tal: I would be surprised if it had been more honest. Look, Denise, I think that there are two things happening here, and the first is that you live right in between a graveyard and a fault line. Both represent fissures in the physical world: one is a literal crack in the ground -- in the Hayward case, you can often see it as a path or indentation with white powder running down the center --

Denise: Oh my God, I've seen that.

Rev. Tal: There you go. The other fissure is more metaphorical or metaphysical, and it's the hole in the ground which represents the gateway between the seen and unseen worlds. So, let's get to the readings to find out what else is going on, here.

Miss Leo: Wonderful. It's as though you're a mind reader, Reverend Tal. 

Magister Py: (chuckling) "As though." Ha.

Miss Leo: This has taken longer than expected, but we used our Panel time to get through this, so we should be on track for the rest of the show. And Magister Pythagoras, why don't you take the first reading?

Magister Py: Well thank you, Miss Leo. I've been smoking my bells and prepping the casting rings as we've been talking with Denise, so if you'll bear with me I'll offer a brief prayer to the powers -- 

(indistinct murmuring, punctuated by deep breaths, with the sounds of rings being tossed over the handles of bells)

Magister Py (cont.): -- and I've tossed the rings as I offered the prayer, so --

(ringing of the first bell) 

Magister Py (cont.): -- thus are the spirits called to our table, thus are the bells of summoning rung --

(ringing of the second bell)

Magister Py (cont.): -- thus is the way cleared, gemtone belltone shifting the smoke to prepare the veil --

(ringing of the third bell)

Magister Py (cont.): -- thus with the ringing of the third bell do we incant and enchant --

Denise: Ramnoroptoron!

Magister Py: Erm ... thus with the --

Denise: Rolgopt, ishmil, tenebris suum aperit inficiuntur crura tibi!

Miss Leo: Denise, honey, what are you up to?

Denise: Comede cloptorops eius tenebrosae ashkrith caro -- 

Rev. Tal: I do believe we have a visitor.

(ringing of the fourth bell)

Magister Py: ... huhuhuhhhhrorroorrraugrrgrgrgruur ... [sic]

 Miss Leo: Py? Py!

Denise:  -- manducate de ak'silfbthtoron eam tenebrosae carnem, convivium smal'kropto in secreto --

Miss Leo: Magister Py, can you hear me?

Rev. Tal: Miss Leo, I've lost him, I can't see him in the stone --

Magister Py: ... huhdusyhh -- uhhhyshhgrorr -- wshyoofrr -- rahsyhsyhyugrrgrghrgruur ... [sic]

Denise: -- in secreto suo lazska'loroptis tenebris et satiare ishnapur anima tua --

Magister Py: -- qurahsyhsyuqhyugrrgrgpquhrgrsalvummefacuur --

Miss Leo: Out, darkness! Out, shadow! Out, infernal connivance!

(interference, transmission faltering, all that follows simultaneous)

Rev. Tal: In All Holy Names of the Blessed Trinity, let Light Blossom where Darkness Attacks --

Miss Leo: -- In Circles Of Light That None May Cross --

Denise: (multiple voices, prominently that of a bellowing child) -- satiare anima cloptorops vestra sub pena et umbra ashkirithic'k donec te repleti Aqchhmal'kropto Ak'silfbthtoron Umbra Semen!

(electronic squeal, telephonic disturbance broken by voices in anguish)

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