Notes from the Future: Miss Leocadia's Fortunate Juju Hoodoo Show

Transcript of Miss Leocadia's Fortunate Juju Hoodoo Show, air date March 4, 2012

Begin Transcript: 14:59:58

Intro Music: Hoobajoo Waltz

Miss Janelle: Welcome once again to Miss Leocadia's Fortunate Juju Hoodoo Show, brought to you each week by the Fortunate Juju Trinket Company, deep in the clever redwoods of Trevarno, California -- the town that time forgot -- and online at FortunateJuju.com and by Holy Mole Ministries, the Itinerant Chapel of Traveling Medicinal Sauces, available at any number of mysterious crossroads you may encounter, and on the web at HolyMole.com. I'm your host, Miss Janelle, of Compass Rose Chapel in Humboldt Wells, Nevada, and online at CompassRoseChapel.com, and in just a moment we'll be joined by our hosts: Miss Leocadia, of the Fortunate Juju Trinket Company, located in Trevarno, California, and Magister Pythagoras, of MagisterPythagoras.com, located in Suisun City, California -- as well as our Special Guest, Reverend Doctor Tal of SparklightConjure.com in Arkham, Massachusetts. Now let's go to our hostess with the ghostess, Miss Leocadia. Miss Leo?

Miss Leocadia: Thank you, Miss Janelle, what a wonderful introduction. How are things out there in the City of Yesterday's Tomorrow?

Miss Janelle: Oh, things are wonderful here, Miss Leo, thanks so much for asking. Doing a little work, a little thing-thing, getting some wonderful results and just lending clarity and direction wherever I can, giving the gift of the Compass Rose.

Miss Leocadia: Truer words were never spoken, Miss Janelle. And -- I should thank him, I want to make sure I thank him every week -- Reverend Tal has been helping us with our Syzygy Project and we've been letting you all see his progress as he builds the pages for the website which will be one of our sister sites: SyzygyQuake.net. So, thank you, Reverend Tal, your professional input as a geologist and astrophysicist has been invaluable.

Reverend Tal: It's my pleasure, Miss Leo. Anything I can do to lend clear water to our credence.

Miss Leocadia: (laughing) Amen, Rev. Tal! We should have ourselves a good old-fashioned revival when we get the website up. (laughing) What do you think, maybe we could time it with a lunar eclipse -- well, no, we want the website to succeed so we're not going to launch when we've got a lunar or solar eclipse -- we should launch when the Moon is in Taurus, of course, for bounteous fruitfulness -- but we could, we could have ourselves a little white tent revival down by the river on the first lunar -- or solar -- eclipse after we launch the website. Really, just a party, but we could have some fun with that. What do y'all think?

Magister Pythagoras: A most auspicious inclination, Miss Leo. I will certainly be there, with prayer bells on my toes.

Miss Leo: Oh my! (laughing)

Rev. Tal: What could be more fun? I can't wait.

Miss Leo: Done. I'll have Spandau check the calendar and we'll keep an eye out for the best possible dates. So. How are you, Magister Py?

Magister Py: Well, things are sparkly in Suisun City today ... I went for a walk down by the Harbor this morning and it's, well, it's got its own special aroma, so -- even on a brisk March morning, you know, even the stink of the Harbor says, "home."

Rev. Tal: Amen.

Magister Py: Thank you, Reverend Tal. Yes, things are generally lovely here in Suisun City, though there have been some shake-ups in the local Arts scene which could have some devastating effects on the local economy.

Miss Leo: Oh, no! How? Wait -- are you telling me that Suisun City has an Arts scene? More than just some old guy painting landscapes by the water with shaving brushes?

Rev. Tal: (laughing) I think I know that guy ... !

Magister Py: I know, I know, most of us think of Suisun City as the place to take our car when we want to get our radio stolen, but there's actually a thriving theatre right in the heart of downtown Suisun City, and it's directly affiliated with the local college -- so -- can you guess what might be happening to affect the theatre at the heart of Suisun City?

Miss Leo: Ooh, ooh, I know! I know!

Rev. Tal: One too many productions of Joseph?

Miss Leo: I know! I think I know, anyway!

Magister Py: Alright, Miss Leo, what do you think it is?

Miss Leo: Budget cuts!

Magister Py: Bingo.

Miss Leo: Yay! I win! Well, I sort of win. I mean, I knew that because of what's happened over here at Allen Fitzpatrick College in Trevarno: it's just horrible. The State of California, being irresponsible with our tax dollars, has elected to cut the budgets of the state schools. Now, ostensibly those schools are there to serve the students, right?

Magister Py: Amen.

Rev. Tal: Preach, Sister!

Miss Leo: Alright, well, watch me now, I'm only getting warmed up. SO: when the schools' budgets get cut, gutted is more like it, do the administrators take a pay cut in order to keep all the classes open and all the services available for the kids?

Rev. Tal: Yes!

Magister Py & Miss Leo: No!

Rev. Tal: Shocking.

Miss Leo: (laughing) Oh, indeed. Quite shocking. So rather than make some judicious cuts here and there, sacrificing some of their own pay for the good of all, these state and local administrators choose to chop entire programs, they shut down opportunities for the Summer, they slash budgets and make supplies and tools impossible to purchase.

Magister Py: Miss Leo, are you sure you're not hiding out in the Boardroom of Solano College?

Miss Leo: Oh no, I just listen and read. Listen and read, and read and throw. That's me. Just a little old Hippie in the Redwoods, gazing into my scrying stone and shaking my head in wonderment.

Magister Py: Well, you have just described the situation in Suisun City -- and Fairfield -- to a T. The college is moving to cut the Theatre program entirely; they've already axed the Youth Theatre program, they've cut the Conservatory completely --

Miss Leo: Wait, wait, wait -- Conservatory? You mean like a place where plants are grown? Professor Plum in the Conservatory with a Led Zeppelin?

Magister Py: If only it were that easy. No, there was an Acting Conservatory run out of this community college, providing professional training for young actors -- and I mean actual professional actors, directors and designers teaching the classes for these college students. It's been cut, this is the last semester it will ever be there, and the Theatre Department is clearly on the chopping block.  And, to make a long story short, nobody at the college seems to be thinking about the direct, obvious, long-term effects that an empty Harbor Theatre will have on the economy of Suisun City.

Rev. Tal: Of course! Foot traffic!

Miss Leo: Bingo. Yes. Wow. That's really too bad. I might have to ... send a little something their way.

Magister Py: A donation ... ?

Miss Leo: In a manner of speaking. Wow. Gosh. Maybe we should have a special show focused on throwing for the thriving Arts. Okay, so, anything else of note in Suisun City?

Magister Py: A crack house on the next block burned down.

Miss Leo: (laughing) Oh, no, really?

Magister Py: Nothing like the smell of a burning crack house. Local authorities didn't arrive for forty-five minutes.

Miss Leo: Mmm. Surprised much? No.

Rev. Tal: Heck no.

Miss Leo: And what about you, Rev. Tal? How are things along the banks of the Miskatonic?

Rev. Tal: It's early March and we've still got some weather on the way, but my goodness, there's no shadow that a crackling fire and a little well-directed conjure can't dispel.

Miss Leo: Well. I certainly hope so. You know how I feel about that region, Rev. Tal, and you know -- you know -- that I will always help you in any way I can ... but I won't set foot in Arkham, Massachusetts.

Rev. Tal: Ohhh, Miss Leo, you are such a love. Seriously, it makes my work here so much easier to know that I have strong practitioners like yourself and Magister Py at my back.
Miss Leo: You know I would go in person if I could, right?
Rev. Tal: Of course.
Miss Leo: I mean, you really know that, right? That place is ... that place, man, I just. Whoo. I have to stay away.
Rev. Tal: I know, honey, and I understand. Not everyone can deal with what's here. But, one has to follow one's heart, and one's heart is often lead by one's gifts. 
Magister Py: Oh, indeed, Tal, and your gifts are uniquely suited to working  -- and throwing -- in Arkham, Mass. 
Rev. Tal: Thank you, Py. We do what we must. And, aside from the usual --
Miss Leo: Which is a mighty tall order --
Rev. Tal: To be sure, Miss Leo, to be sure -- so, aside from all of that, I'm working with my official students at old Misk. U., and I'm working with my unofficial students from several quarters of the city, not least of which the little school near the fens where I first learned that I had these gifts.
Miss Leo: The little school near the fens? Are you a fen witch now?
Magister Py: (laughing) I don't know if I could see Reverend Tal living in a reed hut on a mud flat ...
Miss Leo: No, but I'm serious, what is the little school by the fens, Tal?
Rev. Tal: Well of course, it's my first -- and fondest -- Alma Mater: T.A.C. --
Miss Leo: Of course! I didn't know it was near some fens. 
Miss Janelle: Miss Leo? We have a --
Magister Py: Miss Leo, you have your conjure blinders on --
Miss Janelle: Miss Leo -- I'm sorry to interrupt --
Miss Leo: There's a time and place for conjure blinders, Py, and as far as I'm concerned, it's anytime and anyplace where Arkham, Massachusetts is on the table. Hoo, I got shivers just thinking about that place.
Miss Janelle: I'm -- I'm sorry, Miss Leo, but we have a call --
Miss Leo: Yes? Miss Janelle? 
Miss Janelle: Miss Leo, I'm sorry, we have a call that -- this, this lady needs to talk to y'all right now. Right now, I'm sorry, she's just -- she seems very upset --
Miss Leo: Well, of course, Miss Janelle, if you're feeling that her need is great --
Miss Janelle: Oh, it is, Miss Leo. Should I -- should I put her on?
Miss Leo: Of course.
Miss Janelle: Okay ... Caller? Area code 415, from San Francisco, California, are you there?
Caller 1: (ragged breath) I'm here. Yes. Thank you (sobbing)
Miss Leo: Oh, no, honey ... no. We're here to help you, honey. We'll help you as best we can.
Caller 1: I just ... I don't know what to do ...
Miss Janelle: Caller, I'm going to read your case to our hosts, alright?, so that they have a little background before they begin your reading -- and she writes, "I haven't slept in months. Every time I start to fall asleep, I burn in lava and when I wake up I still feel the burning. My dreams are of a giant fissure in the earth and thousands of people falling -- or being pushed -- over the edge. Children screaming for their mamas and clawing at the edge as they fall. Each time someone hits the lava, I feel it. I feel this burning and I hear their screaming and it feels too real. Any time I fall asleep, I dream this dream again and awaken screaming. My boss sent me home from work because I frightened my coworkers. How can I stop having these dreams and just get back to sleep? Please help me, I am at the end of my rope. I'm a Cancer with an Aquarius ascendant, and I've never had a reading from anyone before."
Magister Py: Oh, my.
Miss Leo: Caller, honey, what name do you want us to use?
Caller 1: Denise. Just -- that's my name. Denise is fine.
Miss Leo: Okay. Denise. Well, honey, first of all -- before we get to any kind of reading or rootwork, I just have to ask this: have you been to the doctor?

Caller 1/Denise: I ... have. They said I'm, it's just -- stress, and -- they prescribed these pills for sleep and I took them last night.

Miss Leo: And? How did that do for you, honey?

Denise: I slept eight hours ...

Miss Leo: And did you have any dreams?

Denise: I dreamed the entire time ... (sobbing) It, it, it, just wouldn't stop -- I dreamed of a place on the mountain near the lava gorge where there were people trapped -- the fire was coming closer and there were these horrible things ... like baby wolves, and they were --